Sunday, 10 February 2013

The Gate and Other Ex Problems

Today I found something even more spooky than an open gate - though it had been last Wednesday again, I kind of put it down to high winds, cos realistically speaking, Steve would actually have to get up in the morning to have done it, and that is highly unlikely to happen.

This morning, I was looking out the kitchen window waiting for the kettle to boil, and thinking that the garden really needs a good tidy, and working out if I have enough rubbish in house/garden to justify hiring a skip, when I noticed that the 'stalking chair' (a chair which, wherever I put it, always seems to end up outside the patio door, where someone would sit if they were looking in) had something on it. A paper something. Popped out, it was a letter - but in the rain, it had turned to a soggy mass of inky papier mache. Something tells me it's a good thing I can't read it.

I'm not sure what it is with the exes at the moment. Got a FB message last night, quite late on, from my first love. On FB that day, I'd done a meme that is going around where the person you get it from gives you and age, and you list where you lived, what you drove etc, and one of the questions was 'who had your heart', and I had named him. He said I'd had his heart too, and was telling me that when we were together, the grass always seemed greener, but it turned out it never was, and no-one had ever lived up to me. I gently replied that this was what nostalgia and beer goggles did to a person. This morning there was another message saying that in the cold light of day, and remembering all the things about me that annoyed him intensely, he still felt the same. I've not written the words he used for either message, but suffice to say they are two of the most beautiful things anyone has ever written to me. Though he does have a way with words. I remember once, when he cheated on me, we got back together because he sent me the most wonderful poem. A few years later, listening to Bowie's Space Oddity, I realised 'the poem' was the lyrics to Letter to Hermione. 

I was really confused about what to do with this. It isn't the sort of thing you can read and not respond to - especially as FB now shows when someone has read a message. Then in a fit of genius I replied that I was stunned that he had found anything about me irritating.

It kind of bothered me though - we have become friends, had a really lovely New Year's Eve with him and his WIFE and son last year. I feel like I don't want to lose that, but I don't understand what his motives are. He must know that I am not about to go back there. He's already apologised for how he treated me, and I accepted the apology, not that it was needed, I was pretty horrible to him in the end too. So. It's all gonna just sit there like a big, fat, flattering, but ultimately a bit suspicious-looking, elephant.

Men eh?

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