Saturday, 24 November 2012

Circus Boy 9 - Conversation

A little bit I forgot that I'd wanted to put into last night's post.

By the time that weekend had ended, I really felt like we knew eachother quite well, because we'd been in a car or talking outside for massive wodges of time, and especially on the second day, when I was upset about Dad, it was all quite intense, and for me very cathartic. But this conversation was from the first day, and was a bit of a recurring theme until I dropped him home.

At the first festival Circus Boy was having a right old fret about some friends who hadn't turned up. Apparently they (a couple of girls, I think) had been supposed to be meeting him with their camper van, but they hadn't even responded to his texts. So we spent a bit of time looking for their camper van in the car park field (this did not take long as there were only about four vehicles there), and he spent a LOT of time texting them and then trying to phone them.

Finally he got through to them, and then I really wished they'd carried on ignoring him, because it precipitated another one of his emotional tantrums. I don't know if it is all the drugs, or if this is his character, but it is one of the most trying parts of being around him - you are so dependent on his mood, When Circus Boy is happy, he makes the world a wonderful place to be. When he is angry, he is angry with everyone and everything in the vicinity.

So once he'd stropped about how awful they were, and how people always let him down, and how he would never do anything like that to a friend, and he'd thought they were good friends of his, but LOOK, they really weren't, and he was sick of how many times people he thought were friends turned out not to be, I finally got the story from him.

The girls HAD come to the festival, but when they had found they had to pay to get in, they had decided not to bother. I secretly couldn't blame them (there wasn't a Cat on a Turntable, remember), but I did think they could have phoned/texted to let him know.

'Well, that's it, I'm not speaking to them again anyway, even if they want to meet up some other time,' he declared.

'How long have you known them?' I asked - partly thinking he was probably over reacting and it wasn't worth losing a friendship over, but partly remembering the 'love of his life who had shagged his mate' that he had known for all of two weeks.

'About two weeks,' he said. I obviously wasn't surprised.

'I think there's a bit of a pattern here, Circus Boy,' I siad. 'You've known them even less time than we've known eachother, yet you made all these judgements and had all these expectations, when really, you can't know anyone at all in such a short time.

'I know you! I know you owuldn't let me down.'

'No, you know I didn't let you down this time - who knows what I might do another time, because you've only known me about a month, you haven't seen more than a few glimpses of me, a lot of what you see is me presenting my best face, because I don't know you well. And that's all I've seen of you too [I didn't mention that the fact his 'best face' included so many tantrums was a teensy bit worrying to me]. So all I know at the moment is that I like the parts of you that you've shown me so far, but I have to wait and see if I like what you show me in future before I make rash judgments. But you're deciding people are wonderful on first meeting, and then expecting them to act that way, and then getting angry with them when they don't. But it isn't their fault, because they haven't change,d they were always like that, you just didn't know them.'

He wasn't convinced, I knew. 'Yeah, but I can tell what people are like by their aura, and the vibes they give out.'

'Oh Circus, Boy, if that was true, you wouldn't so often be let down by people, because you'd be expecting them to act flaky. There's a good website that I've found really useful in sorting out where I was going wrong with men, but it works for all relationships and working out who is worthwhile and who isn't, it's called Baggage Reclaim, you should google it.'

I never thought he would, and we returned to this subject many times over the weekend, because a lot of the people we met, who he introduced me to at festival 2, you would have thought they'd been friends for years, and this mostly wasn't the case - in most cases I knew the work colleagues I met better than he knew his friends (and I didn't know my work colleagues that well). It never occurred to me that he would look at the website I recommended. Much less use it against me.....

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