Friday, 15 March 2013

Menopause Update - WTF?


Ok, so one of the things that shocked me most about being pregnant, that no-one had told me about (incidentally, the absolute number one shocker is that you might poo whilst in labour - I mean seriously, EVERYONE should be told that! I thought I was the only dirty mare!) was that my beautiful rose-petalled labia suddenly - and I mean OVERNIGHT - turned into these angry red swollen unrecognisable things. :-O Was this normal? Did this happen to lots of people? Or was I about to get gangrene if I didn't consult a doctor immediately? Luckily, a quick google allayed my fears. But something similar, though less scary has happened, and even a google is unenlightening, so for the good of womankind, I am going to talk about it. And because in my world there's no such thing as too much information and oversharing.

You know how your juicy love tunnel has a certain smell? Not a horrible smell, of infection or uncleanliness or anything, but a smell that is just you? Well mine has always been a bit like salt and vinegar crisps. I like it, and have indeed been complimented on it in the past. It's kind of comforting.

Well no more. I have a cock-snuggler that no longer smells of ANYTHING. It's like it has turned to skin. It's true! Look! Smell my pants! NOTHING!

This disturbs me, as I always had this idea (which I think is scientifically based) that this smell was detected at a subliminal level, and attracted men to me. Yet now, I am a pheromone-free zone. I have nothing but my appearance and innate wit to rely on to win over the boys. I am doomed, DOOMED,  tell you!

Worrying. Especially as I suspect the next stage will be smelling of wee and mothballs. Probably. :-(

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